Ooh, some suspense. Looks like my predictions were off back there.
Good dialogue, good faces, interesting new baddies- I approve of this page. ^_^ My only complaint is that “Suit up with organic sensor suite and disintegrators” sounds a bit clunky, and the equipment list doesn’t really feel like it belongs as part of the actual order. Maybe “Suit up and report to the transporter room! Load organic sensor suite and disintegrators!” would work better- but that feels more like proofreading than a real writing issue, and that’s good.
Ooh, some suspense. Looks like my predictions were off back there.
Good dialogue, good faces, interesting new baddies- I approve of this page. ^_^ My only complaint is that “Suit up with organic sensor suite and disintegrators” sounds a bit clunky, and the equipment list doesn’t really feel like it belongs as part of the actual order. Maybe “Suit up and report to the transporter room! Load organic sensor suite and disintegrators!” would work better- but that feels more like proofreading than a real writing issue, and that’s good.